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Goddesses in the Sky

(Source: Stars!)


Comments

  1. Hi! Your introduction page is phenomenal. I really like how you start out with a question that is abstract but also not so foreign so that everyone can still relate to it. Great job! And your title is what made me choose your project to comment on in the first place - so great job choosing an interesting one. I think it's really cool how you are connecting mythology stories that readers may be familiar with and may not be with their constellations. I say that as I sit under a poster with Andromeda shining down on me - how cool that you mentioned that name! Also, great puns. As you continue with the project and add stories, I would suggest hinting to the reader at what is to come a little more - maybe add a brief summary or little catchy opener to get the reader to keep clicking. Your page is super strong and I can't wait to see how it turns out!

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  2. Hi Ashley!
    I liked the introduction mini story as it gave the reader enough knowledge to determine whether they will like the stories you tell. The detail you give about each of the gods is detailed just enough as to give insight on who they are and why they are important. But as a whole your story book intro does not give enough to the reader to know the actual contents they will be reading in your finished product. To make your project better I would add a quick synopsis of each of the stories as you add them. I like how you are relating the ancient stories of the gods to the timelessness of the stars. This gives symbolism to both that could be expanded upon in each of your stories. I also liked your title as Rachel said, it gives the project a nice touch of mystery. The emotions that you touched upon give the reader a notice that this will not be a bland story, but one of great proportions.

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  3. Hi Ashley, good job with your storybook so far! I like all the images, especially the ones on your introduction page. The constellation theme gives your site a great aesthetic! After reading your introduction, I am definitely curious what the rest of your stories will be about. You did a good job of capturing readers’ interest through rhetorical questions and giving some, but not all details about the characters. As I was reading, I was a little confused by what role the stars play. In the first paragraph, they seem to observe what happened on earth long ago. But later, the stars seem to be these characters themselves. I think being a little more specific overall will help with this, and that might also help with some issues previous commenters noted. For example, try to avoid using the word “things.” I also noticed a few grammatical errors—”Earth” and “Gods” should not be capitalized, and in the final paragraph “affects” should be “effects.” Overall cool topic and I enjoyed reading this!

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  4. Hi Ashley! The concept of your storybook is really intriguing. And the way you wrote the intro also contributed to the reader's anticipation of reading the rest of your stories. So great job on that front! I agree with Catherine that the mention of stars is a little confusing. I know that many constellations are named after Greek gods and goddesses, but I'm having trouble understanding the connection between the stars and the myths. it may be a good idea to expand on this thought more in the intro. However, you may already have plans for clearing this up in your first story, in which case you can ignore this suggestion! But so far, I think your storybook looks great and I'm looking forward to reading the rest.

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  5. Hi Ashley! I like the premise of your storybook! Your introduction does a good job of setting up the context for your upcoming stories and managed to get me hooked after finishing the first paragraph. I like the use of constellations and stars as a point of view for story telling and incorporating them into the plot, as I've never seen a story told through that mechanic yet. It is a little confusing to see how the constellations are connected to the drama between them and Poseidon, but I'm assuming this will be addressed in the future stories to come. The connection between constellations and the Greek gods and goddesses in general could be further elaborated on as it seemed like the reader was supposed to have prior knowledge of that relationship before the intro. It was also hard to discern the idea that the stars told their own stories, and I had to read it again to figure out the main message of the intro.

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  6. Hi, Ashley. You seem very passionate about the stories you're going to tell. You come off as a traveling storyteller who is hyping up the upcoming events. There's a very mythical quality to what you have so far. The idea that stars have experienced all of history is fascinating. I could have done that instead of elephants in one of my stories... I don't know much about astronomy or astrology or how it relates to Greek gods. It's cool there's a connection between it all. You have one sentence including "Poseidon wrath." Poseidon wrath as a noun of its own sounds awesome, but I imagine you were trying to write Poseidon's wrath. That and a couple other things need small fixes. Otherwise what you have here is really good and a great starting off point. Speaking of, it's week 9! Where are your stories? I want to read them! Good luck with everything.

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  7. Hi Ashley! I really enjoyed your story. I am actually from the Epics of India course (yay for getting to read projects from other classes!), so it was a big change of pace from me to read something not in the theme of the Indian Epics. I love how your introduction was vague and yet still served to set up what your stories will be as you write them. I am a big Greek mythology fan, so I loved getting to read about the story of Cassiopeia. I did have a question though-how exactly do the stars "tell their own truths"? I think that is a very interesting concept, but it was a bit confusing so maybe you could add in an author's note to explain your intent? Although it could also just be elaborated on in your future stories, in which case an author's note would be redundant. Other than that, I loved your introduction and I am looking forward to reading your future stories! Great job!

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  8. Hi Ashley! I just got done reading your intro to your story book. I thought it was super interesting and did a great job setting up what your future stories will be about. I like that you talked about why the stars are so important first and then went into who your main characters are going to be. I had never thought about how the stars could also all be watching us down here on Earth. It is actually neat to think about how we only see them as little lights in the night sky, but they really are much more than that. I am excited to see what will happen in your story book. I also like the simplicity of your story book. I think it is easier to read when there are not a bunch of pictures and themes going on. I think you have done a great job so far!!

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  9. Hey Ashley,
    I think the introduction to your story book is interesting. I certainly have wondered about what the planet was like long ago before people were around, so it's safe to say I was hooked by the very first sentence! The artwork you chose is incredible too.
    I will say that after reading, I am not 100% clear on where the storybook is going. I'm sure if I had a first story to dive into already, this might confirm what I am thinking. My understanding is that we are going to read about Greek tales which are based on/tied to the constellations. If that's the case, I'm looking forward to reading more. I think many others would agree with me when I say that Greek mythology is one of the best types because today we are still familiar with many of these characters through modern pop culture (like Disney's Hercules or Rick Riordan's lightning thief, for example).

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  10. Hi Ashley!
    Your introduction is so beautiful; your prose is both elegant, enticing, but very approachable clear and concise. It was truly a joy to read! I'm looking forward to reading the upcoming chapters, the stories of the stars that you choose to tell. The line about stars telling their own truths really stood out to me as well, and I feel like I know what you mean, but I think it'll be interesting how you play with this concept throughout. But I was also confused about how the stories will relate to the stars directly or indirectly, although I trust that you're going to tease this out as you move through the rest of the storybook. Looking forward to reading more!

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  11. Hi Ashley!
    First things first, I really appreciated the descriptions of Cassiopeia, Cepheus, Andromeda, Poseidon, The Nereids, Ketos, and Perseus. I know some basic things about this mythology, like that Poseidon is the god of the sea and that Perseus was Percy in Percy Jackson (I'm guessing?), but I never had heard of Cepheus or Andromeda (besides the constellation). Seeing some of the relations and getting to make a little outline helped a lot.
    I loved the story, and there was lots of drama! I really like how you portrayed and shared what I am sure is a lot of mythology in a concise way. As for the ending, "The family would ultimately change after this and the drama gets worse and worse," what a cliffhanger! Do your other stories continue from where we left off? Will we ever know how the family changes and the drama gets worse and worse? If not, maybe give us a slight synopsis of what that drama is.
    Great work!

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  12. Hi Ashley!
    This week's focus is on utilization of paragraphs, and I think your story and introduction do that very well. For me, it's so hard to sit there and read one giant block of writing – I just can't do it, especially for stories in this class hahah. When I opened up your story, I was relieved to see the story broken up into bite sized paragraphs – that's honestly the biggest factor for me when I look through story books every week to read. Besides your short paragraphs just being my preference that I look for in readings, you utilize them very well to break up the story yet make it still be one cohesive story that flows – it doesn't seem choppy. Overall, for your storybook, I think your topic is very interesting and your stories were very well written. I like the amount of explanation that went into your introduction so I didn't jump in lost into your story. Good luck with the rest of the semester!

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  13. Hey Ashley,
    This is actually my first time visiting your project and I really like the idea of following a stories from perspectives of different characters and how they see the world. I actually really enjoyed reading your story The Envy and it was a great adaptation of the story of Cepheus and Poseidon. This week we are focusing on paragraphing, specifically, how well they aid in the flow of the reading and understanding the tone. I think both your introduction and the story Cassiopeia do this very well. I think the style of writing your went for with this story did well in aiding the expected tension that will arise from Perseus and Poseiden. I look forward to see where this story will goes and if you will continue to write in small sentences and paragraphs instead of really big ones. I think that style is what made this story work so well especially with the added dialogue but it is also nice to try new things. Keep up the great work, hope you have a great rest of the semester.

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